It's the Fish!
by Emantsal
Summary: Too much Batarian Ale and our intrepid heroin's own brand of psychosis have unlocked the secret of winning the war against the Collectors. Set in the happier time of ME2, FemShep sends a message to Kaidan. FShep/Kaidan. Rated M for the gratuitous use of the "F" bomb. Short one-shot.


**IT'S THE FISH!**

By: Emantsal

**A/N: More strange musings from my troubled mind. As always Bioware owns all; and, they alone are responsible for the terrible inspiration of this story. Why write this? I have no idea. It just popped into my head one day at work. Let that be a lesson to you. Too many spreadsheets and numbers will thoroughly short-out your brain. And things like this will be the result. You have been warned….**

She only ever sent him e-mails when she was bombed out of her skull, which seemed to be happening a lot more lately. He'd tried to wash his hands of it all. Tried to get on with his life. Tried not to care… about her or what the Alliance was doing to her memory. Taking another drink from his own glass of self-doubt and confusion he opened his computer and checked for any new messages.

After Horizon he'd felt the need to set things straight, to maybe show her where he was coming from. Shit, how could she just throw everything they'd had away? He took another drink and as always when he thought about the two years she'd been gone, he got angry all over again. Fuck! Two years and not one word.

After stopping Saren, the Geth, and destroying Soverign, he and the Commander had recovered together, holed up in her apartment on the Citadel for almost a month. They'd talked long into the night. They'd laughed at silly movies. They'd met friends in local pubs for drinks. They'd screwed each other like deranged bunnies. And he'd loved her with every ounce of his soul….

Two fucking years? She'd said she loved him, too. And then…

Yea. Then. She died. Or at least that's what everyone assumed happened. He'd watched the Normandy explode. He'd dragged a blubbering, hysterical Joker from the escape pod, almost losing his mind when there was no one else inside.

No else inside… Where was she?

"Where is she?" he'd shouted at the pilot, all the time feeling like his heart was going to explode. "Joker, where's Shepard?"

"Spaced! She got spaced! Shepard got…" was all he'd been able to get before looking up to see pieces of the Normandy burning through the frozen atmosphere, blazing streaks of flame and black smoke crossing the pale sky on their say to crash to the ground.

Kaiden had looked up, too, and immediately refused to believe she was gone. "No!" he'd shouted. "She had on her enviro-suit. She had air. We just need to get a rescue ship…." But even then he'd known he was grasping at straws.

He's watched as more debris entered the atmosphere, flames and smoke, burning up on entry. Pieces of his world disintegrating around him. Shepard, his world, slipping from his grasp… like trying to hold on to smoke…

Like trying to hold on to smoke…

He shook his head and looked at the screen. God, he had to stop checking so much. Just… just stop… stop wanting to hear from her. Only he couldn't. That would be like trying to stop breathing.

_Kaidan,_

_It's the fish Kaidan. They're the key. I know it. See, Nemo told me. He's this little Prejak Paddle Fish I picked up on the Citadel. _

_Nemo said that if I remember to feed him and his friends every day that we'll win against the Collectors. But don't tell anyone else. It's a secret…_

_Isn't he cute!_

Embedded in the message was a crudely drawn fish, colored in blue… what was that? Was that crayon?

_Nemo knows lots of things. He even knows about us. Well, about me and you when there was an 'us'. And he said we used to swim in the ocean when I was dead. Only he was a big shark then and I was a jellyfish. _

Now there was a picture of Shepard with a jellyfish sitting on her head.

_Hold on… gotta pee….._

_I'm back. That Batarian Shard Wine just goes through me like water!_

_Guess what? I talked to Ash yesterday. She'd doing fine. Got her angel wings and now she's gonna help me with the Collectors. She showed me this bad-ass gun she just got. Now that I think about is, it was shaped kinda like a skinny swordfish. Oh well… whatever…. _

_It's the fish, Kaidan. They're going to help. The fucking fish are gonna kick the Reaper's asses! Fucking fish! God how I miss them with tartar sauce…_

_Is it time to feed them? Shit, can't let them die. If they die, we all die…'_

_Kelly said she'd feed them for me. Can't trust her. She's Cerberus. Can't trust anyone. No one. Only you… If something happens to me, you have to feed Nemo. Can you do that Kaidan? _

_Need to feed the fish. Then sleep… Yea, sheep. I mean sleep. I count sheep to sleep. 1 Baa, 2 baa, 3 baa… _

_I miss you Kaidan… need to shleep….. shleep…._

And as always after reading her messages, he couldn't breathe. She needed him and he'd turned his back on her. She still needed him and he… he….

Damn. He hit reply…


End file.
